


What Remains...

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-17
Updated: 2006-03-17
Packaged: 2019-02-02 02:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12717903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Those Jack left behind try to understand what has happened.





	What Remains...

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

This ringing is really getting on my nerves. I just managed to fall asleep and I need to sleep. Having worked double shifts the last couple of days has... 

Okay, okay, I'm coming. Don't get your knickers in a twist. If this isn't important, I swear... 

"Hello?" No answer. 

"HELLO?" I yell into the receiver. 

"I can't find it..." a voice whispers. "I tried and I even... but I can't..." 

"Daniel?" Oh, my God! He's crying. "Daniel, what happened? Where are you?" 

"Jack's house. Jack has... He thought that I... He's gone, Janet, and I wanted to... I..." I can hardly understand him, he sobbing so hard and it breaks my heart. What the hell has happened? 

"Daniel, stay there. Don't go away, I'll be right there okay?" He doesn't answer. "Daniel, did you understand me?" 

"Yes, Janet." 

"Don't do anything, you hear me?" 

"Yes, Janet." 

"Wait for me." 

"Yes, Janet." It's hardly audible. 

I hang up and jump out of bed. I pull on a shirt, my jeans and rush out. He sounded so desperate. Jack is gone? Where did he go? 

As I start my car I call Sam and tell her to come to Jack's house. Somehow I think I'll need her there. Poor girl, she's been sleeping. No wonder, it's five in the morning. She said she'd be there as fast as possible. 

I pull into the Colonel's driveway. The door is open and I step inside. There's no one there and I call out Daniel's name. I get no response. Maybe he's upstairs. 

Some noise catches my attention. It came from the bedroom and I rush over. Pushing the door open I come to a halt at the picture in front of me. 

There on the bed sits Daniel staring into space, humming softly while stroking Jack's hair absently. In his other hand he has a gun and he's whispering to the still form of the Colonel. Still form...? 

No, no, please... 

Carefully I approach the apathetic young man on the bed. I need to get that gun away from him immediately before he remembers that he's holding it. He doesn't react, doesn't indicate that he's noticed my presence. 

Slowly I sit down beside him and as the bed shifts he turns his head and looks at me. Those blue orbs are completely empty, no sign of recognition and I feel how my heart skips a beat. He must be in shock. Then suddenly Daniel blinks a couple of times and then his eyes widen as a small smile curls up his lips. 

"Janet, you've come." He says to me, never ceasing the stroking motion and I nod, trying to smile back. 

"Look, Jack, Janet's here." he whispers and shakes the other man lightly. As he gets no reaction he looks up to me again and shrugs apologetically. "He's tired." 

Tears well up in my eyes and I want to grab him and get him to tell me what happened. Jack is not tired. He looks... dead, and I need to know how that happened. 

"Daniel," I call him softly, "Daniel, why don't you give me that?" I say and pull at the gun in his hand. He lets go easily and I put it out of reach. Carefully I try to touch him but he flinches away from me. 

"Let me have a look at the Colonel, Daniel. He doesn't seem too well." 

A hysterical laugh escapes him that chills my heart. 

"Jack, she thinks you're not well. Yeah, Jan, you're right. Jack's not too well." he giggles. "That's cause he's dead." The laughter turns into a sob as he pulls the dead body of Jack into his arms. "He's dead, he's dead, he's dead..." 

"Daniel, stop it. Please, Daniel, stop..." I beg as he keeps repeating that one sentence again and again. It's driving me insane, so I grab him and slap him hard in the face. A pair of stunned blue eyes stares at me. 

He looks so desperate, so lost that I pull him into my arms rocking him, trying to calm him down. I hear Sam's voice calling my name as footsteps come rushing upstairs. She barges into the room and stills as her eyes take in the scene in front of her. 

"Janet," she whispers, "What happened?" 

I shake my head indicating that I don't know and she comes to sit down by my side. That is when she notices Jack lying on the bed. I watch how she reaches out and grab her hand preventing her from touching him. 

Understanding dawns in her eyes and they become crystalline with tears. Daniel's still shaking although the tears have subsided. Gently I sit him up and wipe the moisture from his face. He looks completely exhausted and together with Sam I try to urge him out of the bedroom, away from Jack, but he refuses to leave. 

"Can't leave him alone, Janet," he says in a small voice. "Need to be with him." And again he pulls the Colonel's body into his arms, holding him tightly. 

Sam indicates to leave him alone for a while and reluctantly I slip from the bed. A sheet of crumbled paper comes down with me and I pick it up as we leave the room.

* * *

I gently guide Janet downstairs. My brain hasn't really grasped the situation yet and my only thought is to comfort Janet. As soon as we reach the living room she starts to shake violently and a choked sob is torn from her mouth. 

I put my arms around her and hold her while she cries. Tears are stinging my eyes but they refuse to fall. We are sitting on the floor and I rock her gently just like she did with Daniel as I found them upstairs. 

The sky is lightening up. I can hear the birds chirping. The big windows allow the light of the rising sun to stream into the room. I always wondered why the Colonel had such big windows and now as I take in the beauty of the sight I understand. 

His garden is in full bloom and the morning light casts a magic spell on it, making it look like a place from a fairy tale. 

Why am I thinking this? My CO..., my friend lies dead upstairs and Janet is crying in my arms. Why am I not crying? I should be devastated and a sobbing wreck but I'm not. I can't... 

Janet has calmed down and is looking at the piece of paper she had taken from the bed. It seems to be Jack's goodbye letter to Daniel. She reads it out to me and her brown eyes fill with more tears as she finishes. Suddenly she stares at me in horror. 

"Oh, God, Sam! How could I forget..." she blurts out, "Daniel's got a gun!" 

We both jump up and run upstairs almost stumbling over each other, desperate to reach the closed bedroom door before something awful happens. I push the door open and we rush inside. 

Daniel is still holding Jack, staring out of the window. The sunlight is streaming in, surrounding them both like a blanket and making Daniel's hair shimmer like gold. 

"It's not loaded," he says evenly without turning around. "I couldn't find the bullets. Jack must have hidden them away..." his voice trails off and he sighs heavily. 

"Could one of you call George and tell him what happened?" he asks quietly, "Oh, and maybe someone should come who'd..." 

"I'll take care of it, Daniel." I interrupt him and he nods. "Janet will stay here with you, okay?" I need to get out of here, have to busy myself with something or I'm gonna lose it. 

"Okay, Sam," he waves one of his hands and I rush outside, not looking back.

* * *

Your body is cold now. All my efforts to keep you warm have failed. Maybe the sunlight will warm you. Can you feel it, my love? The warm beams that are tickling my nose, caressing my skin like your hands used to? Can you feel that? 

The sunlight does strange things. It casts its warm golden light onto the world and everything becomes different. I tried to follow you, Jack. I failed. Just like I failed to communicate with you, failed to show you how very much you meant to me, failed to... 

Someone calls my name. I turn around. It's Janet. Had forgotten that she was still with me. Oh, she looks so miserable. I reach out and she reluctantly joins me on the bed, holding my hand. She's trying to hold back her sobs. Her hand is shaking and cold. 

Oh, Jack, look what you've left behind. What are we to do, now that you're gone? You always thought your were the most replaceable member of our team. How very wrong you were. You were the one that kept us together, the one that kept us going... 

Oh, God it hurts. I wish the pain would go away. It's suffocating me slowly. I can hardly breathe. Whenever I think I got myself together everything comes apart again. I've truly lost you, haven't I? 

This body I'm holding isn't you. You are gone forever and nothing will ever bring you back to me. I close my eyes, recalling all the happy moments that we shared. Draw strength from them, strength that I need to face the inevitable.

* * *

I stare out the window. Who would have thought that Jack O'Neill had such a beautiful garden? He never struck me as the kind of man who'd care for such things. Guess I was wrong about that. I have been wrong about many things. 

I remember the first time I met him. It was in DC where he and my daughter were going to receive a medal for outstanding performances. I didn't like him then. Maybe because I saw how much my little girl admired him. 

No father likes to share the attention of his daughter and as she refused to join the NASA I thought it was because of him. How very wrong was I? What is the NASA compared to what they were doing? 

Slowly I learned to like him. Jack is... was a very good soldier and a damn fine officer. He really cared for his people, maybe more than a commanding officer should but that was what made him and his team so unique. 

They cared for each other and I never had to fear for Sam when I knew that she was out there with them. Each one of them had a place in that team. Daniel is their conscience, Teal'c is their strength, my Sammy is their brains and Jack... What is he? 

_Their heart and soul, Jacob. He was their heart and soul._

Oh, yeah, their heart. Thank you, Selmac. 

_You are very welcome, my friend. I grieve with you._

I'm glad I have you with me, Selmac. That you're here and share this means a lot to me. Look around. All those people who are alone with their pain, trying to share it with each other but not succeeding. 

My little girl who stands there, holding herself so straight that it hurts to look at her. She hasn't shed a single tear nor said a word about how she feels. George has moist eyes and sits on the couch looking weary and lifeless, Doctor Fraiser hasn't stop crying since the funeral and Major Ferretti has tried to comfort Daniel but ended up being comforted by the young linguist instead. 

Teal'c steps beside me and I turn around to face him. He looks upset and confused. I pat his shoulder and we share one moment of grief. 

"I believe you should go and look after Major Carter," he says to me and I look up in surprise. "She might need you very much now." 

I nod and he bows his head and leaves my side to go to Doctor Fraiser. Give me strength to say and do the right things now, Selmac. I need you more than ever before cause I have no idea how to comfort my little girl.

* * *

Today I have buried one of the best officers I have known and an even better friend. I still cannot believe it. According to Doctor Fraiser Jack has taken an overdose of very strong sleeping pills. 

But why did he do that? He seemed so happy and carefree the last time I saw him. Told me he was going to that lake he was so fond of and spent the weekend there. Should I have known that something was wrong with him? I am... was his friend or at least so I thought. 

I have talked to Doctor Jackson and Teal'c asked them whether they had noticed anything unusual about the Colonel. Both have avoided answering my question and seeing how distressed and exhausted Daniel was I let the matter go. 

Now I'm sitting here in Jack's house with all those people who cared for him and none of us really understands what had happened. 

Janet is crying her eyes out and Sam has shut herself off. Daniel can hold himself together and comfort Major Ferretti because Doctor Warner has given him a strong sedative. I doubt that the boy really knows what's happening around here and Teal'c... 

Oh, Jack, did you even realise what you were doing to us? What an emotional mess you'd leave behind? 

I miss you already, son. And I hope you've finally found your peace.


End file.
